A Pain That Words Can't Describe
by IntraSule
Summary: Mathias is sick, and there's a part of him that knows this.


Everything is too harsh.

The light is too bright, the air is too hot, the mattress is too stiff, the compress- a simple washcloth damp with cold water- was too damn cold and abrasive against his pale, sweaty skin. The five bodies standing around him and watching him were too damn tall and out of reach, yet too close for his comfort.

Yet Mathias did nothing about any of this. He couldn't; he wanted to move, wanted to reach out, but he knew that his body was incapable of doing so. He was sick, oh so sick, in a way that a can of soup or a lot fluids won't fix when he was under the weather. His body was unresponsive to his commands, only stiffening when one of those... _episodes_ occurred to take him. Right now, only his hands worked well enough to grip the sheets covering him, and his eyes worked well enough to stare back at the beautiful yet grotesque monsters right in their eyes.

Too close, they're standing too damn close! He felt restrained by their twisted eyes, as if they had some unseen power in their minds that can push and hold objects, like him. Wait, they're speaking, right? What are they saying? Mathias tried to focus all of his senses into just hearing, honing in on what these monsters are saying beyond the white noise.

"Papa, what's wrong with Uncle Mathias, now?" A tiny, concerned voice asked, a voice too sweet for this creature with radiant yet rotting skin.

"Doctor said it's hallucinations, before the next seizure." The biggest monster with the hard beautiful blue eyes looked down at him. Oh, god, it's going to eat him. He and his little family of three.

Maybe he's being baked right now; maybe he's in an open-view oven and these monsters that he's supposed to love are watching him cook. Kiku had places like that, right? Once his body's done attacking itself, he can ask him. He stared up at the ceiling, at the harsh, too-bright lightbulb in the fake chandelier, trying to smile at the thought of visiting Kiku but failing because his jaw was too tense, his teeth gnashing together. Oh, god, he can taste blood, Kiku would not like that. He would not like seeing blood come out of someone else's mouth. He tried to cough it up, but he only coughed up clear spittle.

Mathias felt a gentle, cool touch on one of his fists. Twisting his head to look at the hand, he followed the arm up to Lukas, a monster that was, for some reason, was the most beautiful to Mathias. There was something about that beautifully disgusting and too-close rotting face that made Mathias' heart twist painfully. This monster, the beautiful Lukas monster, watched over him with eyes that begged him to heal, to not get hurt anymore, to recover. Can this creature tell that Mathias was suffering? Or maybe Mathias was just hoping against hope that they won't eat him.

Lukas reached out his elongated arm and took the compress. He dipped it in cold water, squeezed out the excess water, and placed the towel back on Mathias' forehead, hesitating when Mathias jumped at the renewed sensation. He leaned in close to Mathias' ear and whispered as he stroke Mathias' hair, "You're going to be okay. Just remain calm and you'll be okay."

"Nnnnn aaaagh!" Mathias grunted at the soft white noise ringing in his ear. Too harsh, the noise is too harsh!

"Lukas, don't get too close, you'll make it worse!" The creature Mathias remembered as Emil reached out his corpse-like long arm and pulled Lukas back.

Whatever spell the creature cast had worked. Mathias' fist shook at his sides. His breaths, slow and heavy and so wet with saliva that he can choke on it, sped up with his heart. Oh, god, it's happening again.

"Mathias!" Lukas yelled. He tried to get to him, tried to eat him, but Emil held him back.

_What's wrong?_ Mathias wondered. _Am I not done being baked yet?_

"Emil, he needs me!"

Mathias grunted some more in between his pants, and it slowly dissolved into whining. He closed his eyes and tugged tighter at the blanket holding him down.

"Lukas, there's nothing you can do right now! Let him be!"

Mathias' torso jolted. His arms felt numb and tingly, yet they were still stiff as rocks. His legs pulled up under the blanket, pushing his lower extremities up. His eyes bulged out unfocused. "Rrrraaaagh!"

"Papa, Papa, he's being possessed!" the littlest creature screamed as he went behind the biggest creature.

"Peter, calm down." The biggest creature spoke loudly in that deep voice of his.

Mathias tilted his head back as everything around him faded away into black. The compress fell from his head and onto the pillow. His eyes rolled to the back of his head as his teeth bit into his thick tongue. The numbness hurts, it hurts so much, why is it happening to him?

"Emil, I have to do something!"

"What the hell are you going to do, Luk- hhhh."

The white noise grew louder as Mathias back on the bed, his body jolting and jump in place. The voices were wild with jumbled cries as Mathias' body shook violently. He can feel foam oozing at the corner of his mouth.

"Papa, Papa, do something!" Peter screeched.

"We have'ta wait it out, Peter," Berwald reminded his son, but even this monster seemed too scared for his own words, the way he held onto his son like a child with a teddy bear.

"Oh, my god!" Tino shouted before covering his mouth and looking on in terror.

And as soon as it came, it was over. Mathias' body slumped into the mattress, his head falling to the side. The bright light was coming back to him, and his chest rose and fell in the slow, labored pace it was before. The foam in his mouth oozed down his pale cheek to his pillow, and his eyes, dazed and unfocused as they appeared, flickered up to the crying Lukas monster before closing.

* * *

><p>Listening to "No More Words" by Cryoshell produces some weird, late-night stories for me. I hope you enjoyed this strangeness!<p> 


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